I have tried loosing weight several times past but it never stuck. Past failures, low self esteem, general stress all served to keep me from meaningful weight loss.
I had several great reasons to lose weight:
- My weight made me feel ashamed.
- My weight made me feel depressed.
- My weight made me feel angry.
- My weight made me feel frustrated.
- My weight made me feel defensive.
- My weight made me feel alone.
- My weight made me feel self-conscious.
- My weight made me feel inadequate.
- My weight made me feel like an outsider.
- My weight made me feel as if I didn’t belong.
- My weight made me feel unworthy of love.
- My weight made me feel unworthy of friendship.
- My weight made me feel unworthy of compassion.
- My weight made me feel like a prisoner in my own body.
- My weight made shopping for clothes difficult and expensive.
- My weight caused me terrible and debilitating back aches.
- My weight caused me to break several office chairs.
But none of those things were enough to motivate me to change. My change came as a result of a year long series of events that started towards the end of 2012. My weight was causing me to feel terrible. I wasn’t sleeping thru the night. Sometimes my heart would start racing. I started feeling random chest pains. I would get powerful migraines that made me feel as if my scull was about to explode. One morning while sitting at my desk I started feeling sick, sweaty, cold, and my chest was hurting. My boss was concerned that I was experiencing some sort of a heart attack and encouraged me to go to the emergency room. After tons of blood work and monitoring it was concluded that what I had experienced was simply a pulled chest muscle and not a heart attack. Apparently I had pulled a chest muscle while helping a neighbor push his car home one afternoon. I was prescribed some muscle relaxers and sent on my way. A while later I followed up with my doctor who diagnosed me with high-blood pressure and prescribed me Lisinopril and Amlodipine.
About two months later I experienced yet another health issue I started to find blood in my stool. I was bleeding rectally yet again I found myself visiting the emergency room. I stepped on the scale and as a part of the initial check-in and this was the first time it hit me that my weight was killing me slowly. The readout on the scale was 438 lbs I realized that I was 62 pounds away from weight a quarter of a ton. That number was astounding to me who could I have let things go this far. A few weeks later I found myself in a hospital enduring a colonoscopy to determine the source of the bleeding. As it turns out I had developed a hernia on my rectum. Caused possibly due to my weight or perhaps the fact that I was constantly sitting because I could barely walk for extended periods of time. They extracted some polyps’ from my intestines that fortunately turned out to be benign.
I had suffered a lot and I’d been extremely lucky considering that diabetes, cancer and heart disease is prevalent in my family. Something had to change I knew that my fortune was going to start running out and I knew that I wasn’t being a good steward of my body. Even after all this it would be another 9 months before I would find the thing that would get me on the right path. But thats a story for next time.