Weekly Update #23

Current Weight is 232.4 lbs
Previous Weight was 232.6 lbs

I lost 0.2 lbs this week I was aiming for 1.45 lbs. I worked out 6 days last week and burned an average of 3633 (In the interest of clarity 2341/day as estimated by workout equipment. The other 1292/day are from FitBit which causes the number to be skewed on account that some of these calories have been accounted for by the workout equipment) calories per day in exercise. Consumed an average of 1700 – 2000 calories per day.

Not sure if I'm hungry or depressed.

This past week was a bit of a struggle for me. I managed to stick to 80% of my nutrition plan but the other 20% was driven by emotional eating. Emotional eating is something that has been difficult to overcome. Using food as a source of comfort is part of the thing that got me to weight 438 lbs. I tend to be a very guarded person because of past experiences as a result it is very difficult for me to open up to others. Last week I reached out to someone whom I’d known in a causal way for a few months and it resulted in polite rejection. The situation immediately put a pit in my stomach. Feelings of anxiety and depression often drive me to food for refuge. It was no different this week since I did allow myself to indulge in less than ideal foods. As can be expected the food did not take away the feelings. I was feeling sad and confused.

One of the positive psychological benefits of systematic exercise is the development of a sense of personal mastery and positive self–regard, which we believe is likely to play some role in the depression–reducing effects of exercise. —James Clear

My emotional eating was not totally out of control thanks to the healthy habits I have developed over the last year. The thing that helped the most as it turns out was throwing myself into harder and longer workouts. At first I felt as if I was dragging thru a tar pit because of how I was feeling emotionally. Eventually that pit in my stomach went away and was replaced with pride and an increase in my self worth. I had come to the conclusion that I was hinging my self worth on what other people thought of me and the feeling of rejection. This is something that I need to work on as I continue to move ahead thru this journey. I feel frustrated with the fact that I seem to keep needing to learn this lesson over and over but I’m hoping that by documenting it here I will leave a formal reminder to myself.

Goal for this week is to consume no more than 1653 calories per day. Burn an average of 1486 calories per day in exercise over 6 day period. Weight loss goal is to lose 1.42 lbs.

Weekly Update #22

Current Weight is 232.6 lbs
Previous Weight was 234.2 lbs

I lost 1.6 lbs this week I was aiming for 1.45 lbs. I worked out 6 days last week and burned an average of 2936 calories per day in exercise. Consumed an average of 1500 – 1700 calories per day.

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates. Although incorrectly attributed to Socrates it’s message still rings true. It’s origin its actually from book published in the 1980s by Dan Millman titled “Way of the Peaceful Warrior”.

Goal for this week is to consume no more than 1647 calories per day. Burn an average of 1385 calories per day in exercise over 6 day period. Weight loss goal is to lose 1.41 lbs.

Weekly Update #21

Current Weight is 234.2 lbs
Previous Weight was 235 lbs

I lost .8 lbs this week I was aiming for 1.45 lbs. I worked out 6 days last week and burned an average of 2595 calories per day in exercise. Consumed an average of 1500 – 1700 calories per day.

Year Of Fitness

Yesterday was my one year anniversary of not only owning a gym membership but actually using it. After losing an initial 58 lbs (438 at start) I was finally able to use the equipment at my local gym. I got on the Treadmill on the back row of the cardio equipment section of the gym. The back row partly because I was embarrassed to be seen in the gym at my weight and also because it was close to the stairs to the first floor. I remember that just walking up to the cardio equipment section alone left me winded.

I remember stepping onto the Treadmill with fear because I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I grasped the arm rests on the sides of the machine to steady myself at my weight I was uncoordinated and had already had occasion to lose my balance and fall. The last thing I wanted to do was to fall in such a public place. I set the Treadmill at a speed of 1.5 mph and zero inclination. I kept my eyes closed because I didn’t want to be aware of anyone who might be potentially staring at me. After 30 minutes I was exhausted, my legs were in pain and I was feeling light headed. I ended up having to sit on the floor for 10 minutes so that I could gain enough strength to make it down to my car. My thighs were bloody because of the friction generated by them rubbing against each other. When I got home I did the best I could to tend to my injuries.

As I sat there in pain I started to question if I would be able to go back. I walked out of my room and started to share my experience with my room-mate who accidentally helped me stumble upon the thing that would help me to get past my hurdle. He suggested that I try wearing cycling shorts and sure enough it worked. Eventually my closing my eyes was more because of the meditative benefit that I got from it rather than the fear of humiliation. After a while I made friends with the regulars which helped me stay consistent because they would wonder were I was if I didn’t show up. There interest had nothing to do with my progress but more to do with my friendship which helped me overcome my many concerns about being in public.

As you can see in the photo I have made incredible strides. Today I’m 147 lbs lighter then the first day I stepped into the gym. Currently I set the treadmill at it’s maximum inclination while moving at a brisk 3.5 mph. I’m able to easily knock out a 10k without feeling worn out. I may not be the fastest person but I sure have heart and quit is not in my vocabulary.

Goal for this week is to consume no more than 1647 calories per day. Burn an average of 1363 calories per day in exercise over 6 day period. Weight loss goal is to lose 1.41 lbs.

Weekly Update #20

Current Weight is 235 lbs
Previous Weight was 238 lbs

I lost 3 lbs this week I was aiming for 1.45 lbs. I worked out 6 days last week and burned an average of 2540 calories per day in exercise. Consumed an average of 1500 – 1700 calories per day.

Me at age 27 or so

My cousin recently posted pictures of me when I was 28 or so (the only reason I think this is because there is no gray in my beard) I was not at my highest weight yet. The thing that strikes me the most about this picture is the smile it was not genuine. I know because I’m showing off my teeth a super rare occurrence I’ve never been one to grin like that. For many years I was a victim of fear. I let fear dictate how I dealt with life. Don’t get me wrong fear is an essential part of our survival instinct but I think it was more designed to protect us from physical harm than emotional harm. Fear drove me to make many mistakes in my life where I chose to set aside my feelings so that I would make others happy. That type of generosity has a way of eroding the person that you are after a while. As I continue to go through this journey I’m starting to unearth the person that I was meant to be. I’m not referring to the body that I see in the mirror but rather the emotional self that was buried under all this weight and I’m very proud of who I’m becoming.

Goal for this week is to consume no more than 1656 calories per day. Burn an average of 1236 calories per day in exercise over 6 day period. Weight loss goal is to lose 1.41 lbs.